Apr. 9th, 2011

tehuti: (Default)
Today is Connor's seventh day of life. Two ideas are warring in my brain: "Is it really only seven days?" vs. "Holy crap, it's been seven days!"

The two have fought themselves to a stalemate at the moment. And despite all appearances to the contrary, there have been non-baby related activities and news happening here at Olympus. Ian had his first day back at work on Friday, Aimee actually took a work phone call the day after Connor's birth (yes, in the hospital), and I've been doing schoolwork.

Which brings me to the real meat of this update. I was officially not accepted to the PhD program at UMass this week. A couple weeks back, I got news I was wait listed, and not enough people said "no" for me to make it to the top of the list. Baring any surprises, at the end of summer, I'll have a master's degree in hand, and in little over a month, I will attend my final class as a college student.

And I am perfectly ok with it.

I've been feeling really conflicted about continuing, even before I decided to apply. On one hand, earning a doctorate has been my long term goal since very early on in my return to college. But on the other, I really feel done. Like, DONE done. I really want to start writing things because I want to, not because I have to for a grade. Right now, I'm working heavily on my research paper for my independent study this semester, which is good, but most of my writing this semester has been to prepare for comps. It is supremely unsatisfying. I've barely had time to blog (has anyone noticed that the birthday blogs are the first real substantial posts I've made in months?), and simply cannot make time for creative fiction.

Since I first went back to school in 2001, I've been at least a part time student every year since then, with only two semesters off completely. I've been a full time student for the last four years. In that time, I've earned two degrees, and will finish a third by the end of summer.

I've accomplished a lot. It's ok to feel done. It's ok to BE done.

Shortly before Connor's birth, I attended a speed-interview workshop for prospective museum professionals. I made a lot of contacts, at least two of which have great potential for future employment. My Master's program has prepared me well for life after school. I'm eager to get to it.

Last, and most importantly, I am not going to find work right away. The economy is still recovering, and jobs for people with my skill set and training are not common. While I'm searching for an income, I can play Mr. Mom so my other partners can bring home the tofu.

All of this is predicated on me not being a student next year. So I was leaning against continuing anyway, and now UMass made it moot for me.

And I'm really ok about it. Next fall, I might apply for programs again (not just UMass this time, and maybe not them again at all). There are things I'll miss about being a student. I'm going miss being part of an academic community. I'm definitely going to miss my library access. And I'll miss the types of conversations you only have while in grad school.

But I'm ready for what's next. My whole family is. Let's see what you got in store, Universe.


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January 2012

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